i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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