What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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