i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
