Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
