You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
