he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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