You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
