Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
