capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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