So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think my moral compass just broke
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