hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
