I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You made out with two different species that night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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