I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
