C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
accomplished twins. life is a go
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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