You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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