Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
