So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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