Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
