We're facebook friends in real life
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it because I queefed?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
