i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
