Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
