Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
