I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
