it was like eating out sand paper
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
