I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
