Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
