why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
