what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
