dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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