All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
