considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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