Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
