i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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