Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
