DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Life is so much better after having sex.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize