I looked at my own cervix.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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