Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
