I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
