I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
