No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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