I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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