That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
