I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
