i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
