I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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