brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
