Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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