....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
