She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pooping to opera.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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