cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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